Dear Past Self,

I See You.

I see you. I get you.

Sometimes I still wear you as my mask when I need to, but not nearly as often now. You'll understand that later.

I need you to stop beating us down.

You hear every day how lazy you are, that you don't listen or apply yourself. Selfish and Manipulative, they label you. Stubborn and Mean.

You know better, deep down. Don't warp reality with their opinions.

You care so fiercely that it shuts down your nervous system. You feel so intensely that it makes you physically ill. You try to please everyone until your body and mind revolt against you. That sounds like the opposite of laziness to me.

I heard someone say recently that laziness doesn't exist. Whether or not you believe that to be true, operate as though it is THE ONLY TRUTH.

Resting is not lazy. Hiding in the bathroom because everything is too loud and bright is not lazy. Canceling plans when you just can't interact with another person is not lazy. Surviving when you don't have it in you to thrive IS NOT LAZY.

Your children will ask you why you do so much that you have to take a nap, or why you agree to do things you don't have the energy to do. They will have more understanding for your experience than anyone, because they share it. And, unlike your parents, you'll be honest with them about what you are and are not capable of handling. You'll help them navigate their emotions and their exceptionally connected brains. But even more, they will help you learn to give yourself grace. Be good to yourself so that you can be good to them.

They see you. They get you. Even when no one else does.