Around Two - Chapter 1
[With Editorial Commentary Below]
I’m on the roof. What was I looking for again?
I peered over the edge, dizzy - too dizzy. Get my footing back. I don’t need you falling from the sixteenth floor, he said. Yes, I remember him saying it a minute ago. No, yesterday maybe. It was 2:08.
I looked at my watch. 2:05. Late, but what for?
The breeze felt warm but cool. It could have been fall where I lived. But this wasn’t my town; it didn’t have that rural feel. The roads here were paved and the birds sat on roofs instead of trees. A cardinal sang sweetly, but then trembled at my presence and flitted away. Careful, little bird! That’d be a nasty fall.
The door was shut with the cinderblock next to it. I was alone out here. Oh, yes, I was searching for the bench. My bench. I walked to the far corner and sat on my bench. He looked so sad sitting next to me, interrogating me. Mournful brown-green eyes. Full lips. He kissed my forehead twice.
Whoa, what was that? I glanced behind me. No one. In front, no one. Another memory?
I reached into my pocket for the note. It was crumpled and aged, seconds from falling apart at the folded edges. I read it to myself.
“On the roof. I’ll be there around 2. You can tell me then. -T”
I became excited to find out what “T” stood for. When would he be here? Was he a he or a she? The he from my memory?
I checked my watch. 2:08. One more minute. I had to see if today was the day. But the note said around 2. Around 2. Maybe that meant closer to 2:15? I could never stay till 2:15, never. Maybe it meant before 2? Tomorrow I’ll come earlier.
Oh no, 2:09:21. 2:09:22. 2:09:23.
Oh no, I need to leave here. I have to make the bus or it’s going to happen again. It’s getting too hot on this roof and I don’t want to jump. Please, just get to the bus. It’s safe there.
2:09:33. I hurled myself down the fire escape to the street. There was the bus. I reached in my pocket and deposited my fare.
“D’you make it, Miss D?”
“Huh?” I looked into the sunken old face of the man behind the steering wheel.
“D’you see him today?”
“No, I don’t think so. I’d like to come early tomorrow. Maybe 1:58.”
The driver laughed and the doors of the bus squealed shut. “Two minutes to two, Miss D. I’ll do my best.”
To Be Continued…
[Comments: Someone left a note saying they would meet a woman, age and appearance not mentioned, named Miss D on the roof at roughly 2:00. She seems to assume it’s 2:00 p.m. and not 2:00 a.m. This could be either cleared up or called into question as foreshadowing. Is this a romantic meeting, or maybe a confrontation? The note also said she had something to tell them, but given her gaps in memory, does she remember her own message? She doesn’t address this issue.
Actions: Convey thought without mixing it in with memories of other characters speaking. This is confusing, even when considering her an unreliable narrator. Possibly have the main character think aloud to demonstrate her mental instability. This will help to clearly show the switch from thoughts to memory.
Details to remember:
Characters: Miss D, T, Sad Man on the Bench, Old Man Driving the Bus
Locations: The Roof, The Bus, Miss D’s Former Town
the main character has memory issues and is possibly unstable
this building has sixteen floors
she was speaking to a man on the roof maybe yesterday
she’s locked out of the building because the cinderblock isn’t propping the door open
she’s late at 2:05
it feels like autumn, and she’s from a rural area
she keeps an old note with her from someone called “T”
she had something to tell “T”
she seems to come up to the roof and wait on “her bench” at about the same time every day hoping to meet “T”
someone was sitting with her on the roof at some point, looking sad and interrogating her, and he kissed her forehead
something bad might happen if she stays on the roof much later than 2:00 and she thinks she may have to jump off
she can climb down a fire escape very quickly
the bus driver is an old man who knows her by “Miss D”, so he probably at least knows her last name and speaks with her frequently]
