Around Two - Chapter 2
[With Editorial Commentary Below]
I climbed slowly up the fire escape in the alley. I kept hearing footsteps behind me, but I saw nobody. Just paranoia, I told myself. But I didn’t trust myself to know that.
At the top, I peered above the ledge and saw my bench. There were two gray birds lounging on it until I walked over. They’re as scared of me as I am.
I sat down, steadying my heartbeat. Why did it feel different? Was someone watching me? I looked at my watch, wincing at the sun’s glare. 2:01:18.
I wanted to be here before 2, I remembered. I got off the bus at 1:58:39 today, so maybe 1:56 tomorrow would do. Yes, I’ll tell Mr.... Mr. Clinton? No, Mr. Crichton. Bus driver.
Shoes shuffling! I hid beneath the bench, trying to keep my breathing steady. I wouldn’t be seen under the wide bench, I knew. But the dread was creeping up on me. Run or wait?
Two pairs of feet. I stared out from my cover to see red hair. Redder than my strawberry blonde locks, I noted as I examined one that sat on my shoulder. I like her red better.
She was with a man I recognized. Brown hair, bald spot in the back, tweed coat and brown pants, and that face... 2:03:02.
“What am I going to do with you, Flannery?”
Oh, that’s right. Mr. Flannery, from the seventh floor. How do I know that?
She stroked his cheek and he grabbed the bottom of her skirt. I looked away. 2:03:55. How long are they going to be up here?
Clang!
“Crap, what was that?” She whispered.
“Jen, you’re late for an interview in the conference room.”
“Thanks Eileen, I’m coming. Hold the door.”
“You’re in trouble,” Flannery laughed.
“Only when you make me late,” she hissed. “Why can’t you take your lunch at a normal hour?”
He smiled, holding up a brown bag. “I wasn’t hungry at noon.”
She ran a hand through her very long hair and straightened her skirt. Then she was gone.
The man looked at his brown bag and sighed, walking toward me. Oh no, he’s gonna find me! I clamped my hand over my mouth. 2:05.
Just as I developed goosebumps all over, he backed away from the bench and headed for the door. He grabbed the handle with a sigh and pushed away the cinderblock, letting the door lock behind him.
Alone, finally. 2:05:40. I climbed out from the cover of the stone bench. No birds on the roof after all the commotion. I turned to the bench again. He left me his lunch? No, he couldn’t have known I was here. It wasn’t here for me, he just didn’t want it. Well, it’s mine now.
I unrolled the top of the bag, smelling fish. I pulled out a sandwich wrapped in plastic. A familiar brand of potato chips in a small bag. And a juice box? I haven’t had a juice box in... I don’t remember how long. I guess since I was a kid.
I unwrapped the sandwich and sank my teeth into the tuna. I didn’t even realize I was hungry until I began to chew. My mind flooded with images of Mom. Where is she? She should be here in a few minutes, shouldn’t she? No, she doesn’t come to the roof. Where was I before the roof?
The sandwich was gone except for the crusts and I looked at the chips. I popped the bag open and started munching between sips of juice. So hungry. When are they bringing my lunch? Mom should be here any minute. Where am I?
I looked around. I’m sitting on my bench, alone up here, and I smell grape juice. Empty juice box. Oh, yeah, Mr. Flannery. I looked at my watch. 2:09:07.
I scrambled up, heart pounding in my chest. I crumple the plastic wrap and the potato chip bag into the brown bag and set it down on the bench. The juice box fell off the bench, but I was out of time. I scrambled for the ladder and threw my foot over, checking my watch again. 2:09:16.
I shot down the fire escape and ran to the safety of the bus. I doubled over at the bus door to catch my breath.
“Just made it, Miss D. Gotta shut the doors now.”
I stumbled forward and grasped at a pole.
“No charge today, ma’am,” he said as I reached in my pocket.
“What?”
“Have a seat, Miss D, I got a busy day today.”
“Okay,” I said, depositing my fare before I turned to sit.
I checked my watch. 2:09:58. 2:09:59. 2:10. I’m safe. I’m going home. Mom will be there.
To Be Continued…
[Comments: She climbs up the fire escape to get to the roof every time, but only this time hears footsteps. Why would she do this, and does anyone witness this and ask questions? Is she trespassing? What is the building?
Darling Alert: “But I didn’t trust myself to know that.” This line sounds pretty, but it’s in the first draft, and there’s a lot to edit, so don’t get too attached.
She perceives the birds as being scared of her. Is this actually true? Why is she afraid of herself?
What’s on the 7th floor? What is she afraid will happen if they find her?
Mr. Flannery seems to be on the roof for two reasons: Jen and Miss D. He took his lunch late, claiming he wasn’t hungry until now, and left his food on the bench under which Miss D was hiding. Miss D also recognizes him. Who is he to her? Did he leave his lunch yesterday, too?
Actions: Give a plausible reason for using the fire escape instead of the entrance or scrap the idea. The reason has to be worth the risk of getting caught. Also, make sure to revisit the mysterious footsteps she heard.
Mr. Flannery’s actions appear very deliberate and routine. He could be bringing two lunches and leaving Miss D one of them every day, in which case, it should be mentioned in the previous scene.
Details to remember:
Characters: Mr. Flannery, Jen, Eileen, Mom
Locations: The alley, The Seventh Floor, “Home”
she kept hearing footsteps and wasn’t sure if there was someone following her
she’s scared of herself
today she feels different and thinks she’s being watched
the bus driver might be Mr. Clinton or Mr. Crichton
she can fit under the bench and easily hide
She saw two pairs of feet, one belonging to a female with very red hair, the other belonging to a man named Flannery that Miss D recognizes
Miss D has strawberry blonde locks
Flannery from the 7th floor has brown hair with a bald spot, a tweed coat, and brown pants
Flannery and Jen, the redhead, are an item of some kind, possibly a secret affair
Miss D doesn’t want to watch their intimate moment
Mr. Flannery seems to have left his lunch for Miss D, maybe on purpose, maybe not
The tuna sandwich brought back memories of Miss D’s mom
She doesn’t eat the crust
The bus leaves the stop at 2:10
The driver said no charge, but she still paid for the ride
He also said he had a busy day today, but didn’t say why]
