Around Two - Chapter 8
[With Editorial Commentary Below]
I awoke on my back. I never sleep on my back. Something’s not right. “Mom.”
“I’m here,” Mom cooed in my ear, shushing me like an infant. “It’s okay, I’m right here.”
“I’m sore all over. Can I take a shower?”
Mom frowned and reached for the call button.
“No, please Mom, just you. I hate Nurse Amber.”
I watched Mom’s eyes perk up. “Which one is Nurse Amber?”
I knew she was quizzing me, but I didn’t feel like fighting her. “You know. Brown hair, brown eyes, spray-tan, and obscenely long fake nails. Makes me feel like I’m in here for a bikini wax. Ugh.”
Mom frowned with a hearty chuckle. She wasn’t even trying to hide her excitement. “That’s great, honey. You know, a week ago you couldn’t even tell me your own name.”
She watched my mood change.
“Sorry,” she stroked my arm. “I won’t talk about it.”
“No, Mom. I’ve been meaning to ask you...”
“Your therapist should be fielding your questions, Miss Daily.”
I whipped my head around to see him standing in the doorway. He wore a pale yellow dress shirt, brown slacks, and those ratty old loafers.
“I’ll ask my mom whatever I want, Loafers.”
Mom glared at me. “You show some respect,” she said quietly, placing her hand over mine.
“Excuse us, please, Mrs. Daily,” Loafers nodded to mom. I waved her away in agreement. He and I weren’t done.
I waited for the door to close behind Mom. “So then I have a question for you.”
He lifted his soft hands in response.
“How long has it been since...” I bit my lip to keep it from trembling, gesturing at my half ear.
“Since what, Marta?”
“I told you about calling me that.”
“Not comfortable with your name yet?”
I rolled my eyes at him and frowned at the door.
“As you wish, Misty.”
“You don’t have to coddle me, just call me Miss Daily. We’re not friends, I don’t want my first name coming out of your pouty little girl-mouth.”
“Yes, Miss Daily,” he smirked.
“Just tell me how long.”
Loafers sighed, walking over to the chair my mom had occupied. I stiffened, but still let him sit. I could still see the split I made in his lip.
“You’ve been sleeping in this bed, in this room, since November.”
November? That’s not right, it’s only October. Isn’t it?
“Do you understand?”
I reached for my watch on the bedside table. Month ten, day two. My face began to heat up.
“Mar-- Miss Daily, are you all right?”
“I’ve been here for a year?” My voice was almost swallowed up by the air conditioner’s low roar.
Loafers just nodded.
“I woke up here last week.”
He sighed, mouth closed. “Your memory woke up here last week, yes.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I snapped at Loafers. He didn’t flinch.
“I’m sorry, Marta, but there isn’t much I can tell you.”
I bored holes into his head with my eyes.
“Do you remember having this conversation?”
I nodded slowly.
“What did I tell you then?”
I surprised myself, saying automatically, “’I can’t dig for you.’”
“Yes...”
I scratched at my cast. “You can’t give me my memories, I have to uncover them myself.”
He folded his arms. “What I can tell you is that you’re not alone in this. Your family, your friends... they know the boundaries.”
“You coached them? You told them what to say to me?” I reached for his throat and he grabbed my wrists, eyeing my cast.
“Marta they want to help you, and I’ve given them guidelines under which they can. All of this procedure is just to help you get well.”
I yanked out of his grasp. “Quit saying my name!”
He sat back in my mom’s chair and sighed, touching the bridge of his nose. “Well, Miss Daily, you’ve had your meds and it’s a quarter to two. Would you like me to drive you to Fifth Street?”
I met his gaze. “Why would you do that?”
“Because, frankly, I don’t want you taking the bus. And this time we’re not climbing up the fire escape, either. We’ll take the elevator.”
“You’re just mad that I hit you.”
Loafers shot one eyebrow up. “You broke your hand on my face, obliterated my lip, and chipped my front tooth,” he said, displaying his chipped left incisor. “Of course I’m angry.”
To Be Continued…
[Comments: The tense switching without thought tags or italics should be fixed.
As fascinating as Marta is, her memory gaps leave a lot of story to be desired. I’d like to see some sections from the POV of some other characters, maybe fleshing out their backstories and their connections to the main character.
Actions: Write from some of the secondary characters’ POV to increase depth of story and fill in gaps where Marta’s character can’t.
Details to remember:
Characters: Nurse Amber
Marta never sleeps on her back except last night
she doesn’t like Nurse Amber
Marta’s “memory” woke up a week ago and before that it’s unclear whether she couldn’t remember anything or may have been comatose
it’s been about a year since Marta had a functioning memory
Loafers is willing to drive her to her destination even after she chipped his tooth]
